that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
