census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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