worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
