His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
