just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
