you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
