I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
