Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
