rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
