i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
