So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
