Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
