I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how does that bad decision feel?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
