I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
