The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
