she woke up with a sticky ear
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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