just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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