someone get that fucking seahorse.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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