I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
