I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
