it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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