jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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