He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
