I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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