omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
