so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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