My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
