wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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