i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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