I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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