I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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