Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
