Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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