It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wear drunk well.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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