Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
