I'm really into asian looking animals
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
