so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
