Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
