it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
