its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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