Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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