eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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