Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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