I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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