Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
