are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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