just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
