census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
