sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
