i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
