either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
