Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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