Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
