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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
