You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
