Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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