he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
